It’s All About The Benjamins


“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Well that explains that, now I know why I feel the way I do about my empty wallet. I miss my money, but nobody else does—because they have it all.

“Money is the root of all evil.” And who do you suppose started that ugly rumor? What do you wanna bet some numismatist felt his collection was incomplete. Forget I mentioned the bet, I can’t afford the wager.

“Brother can you spare a dime?” I can’t ask that question of any of my brothers. They would just race for their piggy-banks. Pennies they have, silver they don’t.

“Pennies from heaven.” Not much use for pennies up there, that might explain why we always find pennies on the ground down here, instead of stacks of cash. I’m storing that suggestion in the cloud, hopefully god takes that under advisement.

“A penny saved is a penny earned.” No wonder our savings account accrues so little interest.

“Another day, another dollar.” As good a reason as any for why we have to raise the minimum wage.

“Learn the value of a dollar.” With a global economy, parents are asking for the value of the Euro, Pound, and Yen as well.

“Don’t let money burn a hole in your pocket.” It doesn’t, as what little pocket change I did have fell through that hole because my trousers are a bit worn. Gee, I thought those Levis would give me at least another ten years.

“Cash or credit?” That’s a loaded question, what with cash being in short supply, most people are forced to use credit cards. Or at least … they try to use them.

Great news! Your credit line has just been extended. That is good news, given your cards were nearly maxed out.

Bad news … your identity has been stolen, and someone applied for credit cards with your name. Now the credit agencies want their money back. Guess who?

On the way out of the store you pass a Salvation Army station. Wracked with guilt you fumble around for something to give. You discover a buck in one of your coat pockets. Upon leaving you whisper, “Please hold onto that for me, I may be back for it.”

It is at this point you decide to ask your family if they might not advance you a small loan? They decide they might not. You launch into a tirade about the economy. They respond, “Write your congressman.”

You reply, “I would, but I can’t afford the postage.”


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